Top 5 WORST Movies of 2012 (so far)

We are at the halfway mark of the year, which means it’s time to ultimately take a look at the very worst of the year so far.

All told, this year was actually, for me, a better year than 2011 was when it comes to movies… so far, that is. There were many films that were surprises, movies that were fun, and films that I suspect will have a long life within cult fanbases. But, for every good movie, there was plenty of bad. So, let’s take a look at the very worst (according to me) so far in 2012.

Act of Valor

Act of Valor is an example that even with interesting subject matter, and a great hook, a movie can still be a loud, dull, and lifeless bore no matter how many action sequences there are. I can imagine the excuses now… “Bro, it ain’t supposed to be an Oscar winner”… “Bro, they’re actual navy seals, of course the acting isn’t great”. “Bro, you’re un-American if you don’t like this movie”… The action sequences are pretty okay, but really. In the grand scheme of it all, it doesn’t matter if I don’t feel anything for the story, these characters, and this plot (which isn’t really a plot until the last half hour). These guys acting are navy seals, and that’s great and all. BUT, there is a reason why we get ACTORS to play soldiers and not soldiers to act. Because, Actors know how to ACT. It is essentially like watching a bunch of guys online playing “Battlefield 3″… Except the writing isn’t nearly as good.
Score: 4.0 (out of 10) = ALMOST CRAPPY

Hick

“Hick” is a movie that is a huge mess. Everything about this movie on a conceptual level is confused. The tone is jarringly strange, and switches erratically whenever the movie needs it to. On one level, the could’ve had an interesting topic in the character of this 13 year old girl running away from home, and discovering what it means to be an adult. But, every opportunity this movie has to confront this head-on, it wimps out, and chooses instead embarrassing attempts at quirky humor. As a result, “Hick” is a confused, tone-deaf mess of a movie that confuses creepiness for quirkiness, which makes for a supremely off-putting film experience.
Score: 3.0 (out of 10) = CRAPPY

Lockout

Lockout is just one of the many sh*tty action films that comes out of Luc Besson’s mind, and splatters on celluloid. What separates ‘Lockout’ from those other movies is the fact that the problems with it are far-beyond the visual level. First of all, “Lockout” was CLEARLY shot with an R rating in mind. But, when you watch the film, it seems like the movie does all it can to avoid the money-shots. Lockout is to 80′s action movies what Cinemax porn is to actual porn. Which means the movie avoids the no-no parts that might give it an R rating when that is CLEARLY what the movie was meant to be. As a result, the editing and action sequences feel clunky, choppy, and unfinished. Plus, the movie is STUPID. There are MULTIPLE moments in the film that dares to question logic, and produces scenes that make no damn sense. Mind-bogglingly stupid in ways that are unforgivable, “Lockout” tries to be dumb fun, but only gets the “dumb” part right.
Score: 3.0 (out of 10) = CRAPPY

That’s My Boy

I don’t have much to say about this one except that this film is terrible. It’s nowhere near as bad as “Jack & Jill”, but still… When child-rape opens your movie, and it’s supposed to be funny?? Automatic fail. One could appreciate that it’s no longer Adam Sandler trying to appease family audiences, and going R rated. BUT, it just seems to make the movie even more obnoxious. LAME.
Score: 2.0 (out of 10) = CRAPPIER

Battleship

“Battleship” is proof that studios have stopped giving a f*ck about quality. Battleship is movie made for one reason: because it has a marketable name. Unbelievably lazy, and jaw-droppingly cynical in it’s approach, Battleship has not one good thing about it. The acting is atrocious, the story is on speed-dial, the action is boring… Everything about this movie is painfully tedious. It felt like such a chore just sitting in that theater, it literally hurt me to watch “Battleship”. The movie has numerous gaping holes in logic, which some will say doesn’t matter based on the nature of the kind of movie it is. To those people: shut the f*ck up. Battleship is the kind of movie that needs to be torn apart. The holes in logic are just to big to ignore, and too frequent to forgive. In short: Battleship is a cinematic abortion. Absolutely stupid, cynically pointless, and ultimately insulting… The people who checked their brains at the door to enjoy this never had brains to begin with.
Score: 0.0 (out of 10) = Crappiest-er

So, there we have it. I’m sure there will be more terrible movies this year (I doubt they will be worse than Battleship). But, leave your top 5 worst of 2012 so far below… And, as always, thanks for reading.